My friend, Stephanie, has issued a challenge to her readers to "blog their heart." I feel like I do that on my blog frequently, and so, do not mind to put forth my feelings once more. I have learned a lot from Stephanie, who has four little girls and a husband who fights for this country. She's brave, open, consistent, and a beautiful person inside and out....which is one thing right now I'm trying to show my daughter...how to be beautiful on the inside.
That's my real, true struggle. My beautiful little girl, the one who was an answered prayer. I love her dearly, so much, and it pains my heart to have to BE a parent sometimes. To direct. Discipline. So many MANY times, her sweetness is there. But other times, I have to deal with an attitude from her that wears me down, physically and emotionally. I am STRONG because of the Lord, and knowing I need to show her how to show love through her words and actions. We have different personalities, her and I, and I have a notion we will be always learning, or at least "I" will be always learning how to "deal" with that.
We are all imperfect. I have NO desire to rid up my house these days. I am TIRED, and well exhausted at the end of our homeschooling days. Think, NAPTIME, if possible. Think, dinner was late, at 8 pm last night. Think, having to REALLY try to plan girl time and it just won't happen.
But there are bright things. Brighter things than I ever imagined. Three children. Being able to homeschool. A chance to consistently minister together, my husband and I, with our music. Beautiful, loving family members, including our parents, sisters, and brothers. Ahhh..even more simpler, a new book to read, a song to cherish, tea to delight my senses.
And there are hopeful, dreaming things. Finishing the book I'm writing, as I'm at 10,000 words. Will I have the stamina and drive to finish? Wanting to redecorate and trying to come up with a plan for my boys' room. Someday....a trip out West. Either for adventure, love of nature and God's creation, or to see some dear friends in several states. Another thing I'm dreaming of, that will and must remain just between the Lord, my husband, and I. I've always been a dreamer. Of the big and little. Am I courageous because of that, or fighting feeling insignificant? Am I hopeful, or faithless? Am I loving, or selfish? Am I committed, or stop short? All in His time.....