Wednesday, September 28, 2011

De ja vu

This day last week I had a reminder phone call about an appointment.

Oops. Good thing it was just in time for me to cancel the next day appointment.

Today. Same thing. Forgot another appointment.

Tonight....went to choir, only there was no choir practice! Ha!

But I did manage to get our school day completed before 2, make dinner, and go to Ella's soccer game. And, get this, her team is undefeated STILL, even after playing ANOTHER undefeated team. Final score, 2-1, us.

Tomorrow is a busy schoolwork morning, lunch, then off to my dad's so he can "tutor" the kids in math a bit, which is extremely helpful. He will work with challenging word problems...which I, at this time, don't feel very equipped to teach. After that, a short but sweet playmate and friend visit, back home, and I get to go out to eat with my fellow homeschooling friend, Deanna. Her daughter is Ella's age, and are wonderful friends. Deanna and I have never had a night out together so this is pretty cool. You could say we are both very attentive to our children's academics and that is our focus a lot of times when we talk, and when we get together, it's with the kids, too, so they can play. But not tomorrow!

Here are a few things on my mind....

Feeling a bit insecure about playing for first service worship time. Rich and I began this a couple weeks ago, right when a third service was added. Our music has helped create a very traditional flair, which was desired. However, there's a bit of pressure there, at least in my own feeble mind, that it can make or break some people's decisions on church and attending, getting upset because of the big change, etc. This past Sunday, several people expressed their opinions to me, and although I do not choose specific songs or the tempo of them, I am UP THERE leading worship and that can be intense. One hardly appreciated the traditional music, another was just okay, and another truly loved it. A young couple new to the church and our Sunday School class attends the 11 service but want to come hear Rich's mandolin and harmonica because they dig bluegrass they are willing to come at 8:30 for that gathering too. And, although these endearing, encouraging comments are a blessing, I worry about how people are coping with the change of style in the one service. I feel that music in a church is a very strong dynamic for people and van be a touchy subject. So my prayers are as Rich and I have been asked to help lead worship, our music is used in whatever way for whatever people.....maybe a bit vague in my prayer, but I do care for each and every one of the congregation there. And pray that judgements can be withheld as well as a unity held up that I know exists there within it's people.

Next, my children. So, so close a few days, at least two a week it seems, it is an extremely tough day. I get disobedience and disrespect and I am up to here with it. And then add to that, the appearance at the end of the day that I am frazzled, have a messy house, and did nothing to help the aesthetic quality of anything or disciplined kids....which, honestly......I feed three kids three meals each plus snacks, kiss boo boos, help get dressed, teach (four to five hours), tell kids to put away dishes, fold towels, rid up toys....I am not sitting at home doing nothing. But, I am AT home and live at home during the day but have my hands absolutely tied to my family.

Well, as it stands, there is No tv for two weeks for the two oldest, and very limited number of sweets. No computer time either. I was ready to throw in the towel Monday..and Tuesday...all last week...and before that. Today was a breath of fresh air...I sure hope my parents' and my sweetie's prayers are working because it wears me down like a battery being overworked. I get dragged down, and my messy house gets messier. And then don't care how it looks but then don't want anyone over ever. It's just a bit too much effort for me to take five minutes even and do a quick tidy up in the living room, but I have pushed on occasion to do this. It's difficult because we have two boys...boys..boys....boys.....rough and messy. But sweet. And Ella is sweet. But, lately, something's in our water I think.

Hanging on, for in our weakness HE is made strong...MUST remember that and hold HIs loving promises close!


Adrienne said...

Oh, I know!! Adam calls most days at 2. Even on days that are seeming good, I'm depressed afterwards! All I've done is a few hours of school, fought with children/separated fighting children and wished there were cooking & cleaning fairies!!

Same answer every day...he must think I'm crazy!

I'm so glad of our decision though. Even if it does cost me my mind!

re:Inspire said...

It has been a hard week here, it something in the Salem water? Neither girl wanted to eat ANYTHING they normally eat and for some reason that "eats" at me! I felt like I needed someone to come adopt my kids because I did not feel like a fit parent. I was pretty worried and down about the fact that things will be even harder to manage in January with our third coming into this chaos! It has been just about impossible to give Abigail my undivided attention after school for homework with Eliana demanding the attention! Ugh! Then add housekeeping to the mix! Where is the Nanny???

Sam said...

HE truly is our strength. I love how you write, Amy.

Anonymous said...

I am enriched from reading what you have here. LTTS